Relax Your Jaw

 During my labor with baby #5, my dear sister was here to support me. It was my first homebirth and I was so excited, but after two days of 'labor,' i was tired. Once the contractions started becoming more intense, I would almost hold my breath through them. My friend said three words that have stuck with me for both births since then. She said, "Relax Your Jaw". I am sure she said it in different ways "put your chin down towards your chest" or "drop your jaw".

I remember the drastic change in pain when I did what she said. Of course it was still intense, but relaxing my jaw seemed to relax the rest of my body, and I was able to embrace the intensity for what it was doing, which was bringing our precious baby girl into this world. Before relaxing, I was tensing up, which was a form of me fighting against the process. The process was painful, but it was not something I could avoid. I HAD to birth my baby. That was an undeniable fact. Wishing the pains weren't so painful wasn't going to make them less painful. Holding my breath sure wasn't going to make the 45 second contraction drop to 10 seconds...

I was listening to Joyce Meyers and she said something along the lines of, The more you fight against it, the more it hurts, and I Felt as if my sweet friend was standing in front of me saying those 3 words all over again. 

Now think about life. 

God wants the very best for us. Storms will come. That is inevitable. If we study God's word, pray and let Him have our troubles, He WILL bring us out with an unimaginable blessing on the other side. We can run, we can hide, we can fight it, but the storm is already coming...or here. When we try to fight it off, we tire and then the storm can do more damage. If we get in our safe place and ride it out, we stay protected from the 'more than necessary' damage, and although our emotional and mental exhaustion may be tough, we have the physical strength, still, that we need to do the work once the danger is gone. And if we rely on and trust in Him even more, we don't even have to get exhausted at all. It really WILL be ok.

I have been in this same storm for over a year, now. It is not a fun one, for sure. When I was still trying to schedule/demand/beg/excuse the things around me to make it 'easier,' it only added to the damage being done. My intentions were good, but I was doing all of this unnecessary work while at the same time asking God for His help.

God doesn't actually NEED me to do anything. He can do all things, whenever and however He pleases...all on His own. 

If I am going to ask Him for help,, I need to stay out of His way so He can do what He promised He would do. 

God showed me the aftermath and the blessing before the storm even hit. Of course I didn't know the storm was coming, at that point. I, however, still thought I needed to DO certain things to be faithful to Him. 

This storm, especially, is being handled by God. I have continued to work on my faithfulness, prayers, reading of His word. He has repeatedly told me "this is your time to sit on the bench and rest", and He has shown up, as promised. I am supposed to, at this time, Stand Still. I would be an absolute mess if I were trying to handle this and lean on Him as a LAST resort. 

Instead of me fighting until I'm tired and then asking Him to help because I no longer can, I now go to Him first, and ask Him to just let me know, through the Holy Spirit, when it is my turn to do something and what exactly I need to do/say. 

There are days that I am tired. There are days that I allow what I see to be what controls my 'emotions'. But when I catch myself, and redirect focus, Peace shows up and takes control. It is amazing! 

So, to you, my forever-in-my-heart closest friend, if you ever read this...know that what you used to be the best doula ever has now, in a dark time, become light a star that God is shining bright to light my path, and I thank you so much.