El Proceso

 During my labor with baby #5, my dear sister was here to support me. It was my first homebirth and I was so excited, but after two days of 'labor,' i was tired. Once the contractions started becoming more intense, I would almost hold my breath through them. My friend said three words that have stuck with me for both births since then. She said, "Relax Your Jaw". I am sure she said it in different ways "put your chin down towards your chest" or "drop your jaw". I remember the drastic change in pain when I did what she said. Of course it was still intense, but relaxing my jaw seemed to relax the rest of my body, and I was able to embrace the intensity for what it was doing, which was bringing our precious baby girl into this world. Before relaxing, I was tensing up, which was a form of me fighting against the process. The process was painful, but it was not something I could avoid. I HAD to birth my baby. That was an undeniable fact. Wishing the pai

tried to shorten it, but...that doesn't work for me. God's things have been so detailed that trying to type it cant be a mini version. It IS poorly written. I apologize for that, but here goes: The lioness breaks free from her cage. I always envisioned...dreamed this. almost nightly. Since around the time my husband asked me if was sure I wanted to separate. So like in Oct-DEC 2018 I just KNEW it's significance was me "breaking free" from a toxic marriage. Me gaining my strength back after many years of feeling weak and worthless in the eyes of my husband. Me breaking free from the captivity i felt i was in. I had this dream so much i was prepared to get it in tattoo form. Man what an idiot I was. And how disgusting of me to assume God was orchestrating it for that purpose. How much pain and heartache and anger i would have avoided for myself, my husband and everyone who heard my complaints and desires to tear apart my family. I really felt entitled to an except

  Your yard is soaking wet. Water pressure in your house is low. Google says it must be a water line leak. You find YouTube videos that tell you how you can fix it yourself and you go to the local Home Depot to get the tools and all the material needed. You start digging under the ground to get to the pipes. The dirt is super hard (it is here at our house, anyways). Before you even get to the pipe, you are worn out from the shovel. You put your foot down and give the hardest push yet…you are tired and ready to get the job done. You hear cracking. The dirt is hard, but not THAT hard… Water starts coming up in your face. Crap. You forgot to turn off the water before starting this project. You rush to do that. Now you have to go back to home depot because you have broken the pipe where it wasn’t even cracked. Now, had you called a plumber, you probably wouldn’t be in this position and the pipe may have already been repaired. So you decide the project is too big, and call them to come fix